I used to assume everyone thinks the way I think. Differences were just anomalies to ignore.
Big mistake.
Bryan was in my early mastermind group. When I asked for testimonials, I was certain his breakthrough moment was leaving his job for a higher-paying position to support his family and coaching dreams.
Wrong again.
His most impactful memory? When he missed his weekly diet points and laughed it off. I looked at him seriously and asked, “What’s funny about that?”
He mumbled something like “well, it’s only a few points.” From that day forward, he never missed his diet goals again.
Here’s what I learned: We all delete, distort, and generalize information to create our internal representation of events.
Your brain processes 11 million bits of information but your conscious mind only handles 134 bits per second. So you filter everything through your unique values, beliefs, memories, and past decisions.
My internal representation focused on the big career change because that’s my coaching framework. His focused on discipline and follow-through because that’s his core struggle.
Same mastermind. Completely different experiences.
Your move: Think about a recent conversation where you felt misunderstood. Ask yourself:
- What information might they have deleted that seemed obvious to you?
- How might they have distorted your message based on their past?
- What different generalizations might they be making?
Stop assuming everyone processes like you do. Start asking: “What does that mean to you?”
Reality isn’t what happened. Reality is how each person’s unique filter interpreted what happened.
